Saturday, July 26, 2008

Dirty Frarn



Bruce Destro: Noob Slayer

Bruce Destro >" i leave for a month and rens is full of nubs again, me and kal have work to do"
Xeromedes > "isn't that the point of rens? the nub nursery?"
Bruce Destro > "rofl"



Five minutes earlier, I had flipped Mr. Destro's can while he mined into a jet-can in an asteroid belt near Frarn VI. As a result of my actions, Destro promised retribution and harsh consequences. He returned to that asteroid belt in a Muninn, a tier 2 Minmatar Cruiser. Curious, and itching for a challenge, I warped to his position, taunting Destro with my Rifter, "Panty Dropper".


Destro immediately disrupted Panty Dropper's warp drive as his Muninn's 650 caliber autocannons hailed fire and brimstone on my ship in the form of medium-sized munitions. I banked Panty Dropper 180 degrees in an attempt to out-distance Destro's warp disruptor so that I could warp my frigate to safety. I paid for my attempt to escape: Destro's 650s' had all but evaporated my Rifter's puny shielding, and had pummeled her armor down to 25% capacity. I would have to act fast in order to survive.

Unable to out-distance Destro's warp disrupter, I "flipped a bitch" and closed the distance to Mr. Destro's Muninn. I committed Panty Dropper to a tight orbit around his cruiser, while her small armor rep toiled over the damage. As Panty Dropper circled, her auto cannons chewed on the heavy assault ship's shielding while her energy vampire labored to steal precious capacitor energy to fuel ship repairs. The Muninn's siege cannons' fired harmlessly into space unable to successfully track Panty Dropper’s tight, elliptical orbit. For the moment fate was with me and my Rifter, but fate is fickle.

Destro recognized his auto cannons' were ineffectual against Panty Dropper's speed, and tiny signature radius, so he released the hounds. Literally. When I saw four medium scout drones spew from the bowels of the Muninn, I realized how short my reprieve had been. While my attention was fixed on the four drones now orbiting Panty Dropper, I did not register Aura's warning that my Rifter's capacitor was dangerously low on power. I was physically shaken out of my revelry when Panty Dropper's speed dropped to a third. I reacted quickly and re-directed power to the afterburners. Panty Dropper began to accelerate, just as the four drones attacked. Hot-charged energy ripped my ship’s armor asunder; opening wounds anew. Clouds of vapor and detritus trailed Panty Dropper as she circled the Muninn. 

Three sequential audio notifications punctuated that Aura had successfully locked on to three of the four drones I designated as targets. Three was the maximum locked targets my frigate could track at one time. 
"Little comfort", I thought as I chose a random drone as "Priority Target". 
Aura focused Panty Dropper's three 125 caliber auto cannons on the drone and away from Destro's Munin. I did not need Aura to tell me that the Rifter's armor rep was unable to compensate the amount of damage the four drones now focused on Panty Dropper- she informed me, anyway. To port, my primary drone target ignited into a ball of fire and sparks, just as Aura notified me that Panty Dropper's armor was about to fail. "Just like a woman," I thought, "Over shadow a spot of good news with a serving of bad."

I randomly chose a second, locked drone and focus Panty Dropper's auto cannons while I acquired a target lock on the fourth and final drone. Warning Klaxons pierced the cockpit of my Rifter, as I watched the three remaining drones disengage and retreat into the maw of Destro's Muninn.

It was a very surreal moment when Destro recalled his drones. I focused my auto cannons on the Munin, anticipating another, imminent drone attack. I took the opportunity to order my hired hauler, Aha Toro, to warp to my location and scoop up the shambled remains of "Panty Dropper". I was going to lose my ship; it was just a matter of when. Aura notified me that the Mammoth class industrial ship would arrive to Panty Dropper's coordinates in 7 seconds. 

Panty Dropper was suddenly rocked by an explosion that set off a new wave of warning klaxons. My Rifter was forced into a wider orbit, spinning erratically, as I attempted to compensate for the sudden impact. Aura's calm voice conveyed information that my brain could not process. I gleaned two words:"bomb" and "imminent". Another explosive shock wave slammed against my Rifter just as my employee's Mammoth dropped out of warp. Panty Dropper nearly collided with the industrial due to the violent shock waves rocking the frigate.", ****, get the hell out of here, he has a sma-" Another explosion interrupted my attempt to warn my employee. Aura warned of the imminent hull breach and coolly suggested I abandon ship. I was not prepared for what would happen next.


Bruce Destro; "oh you piece if fucking shit"

Bruce Destro; " YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT" 

 

 

Quick. Fierce. Final. That is the only way I can describe Concord's intervention. Destro's Muninn vaporized before my eyes, punctuated by a stream of curses that I believe to be still haunting Frarn 6 to this day.Fate is unwavering and does not favor any in particular, least of all the arrogant. Bruce Destro had wanted to punctuate the destruction of my Rifter, Panty Dropper, in a unique way: By using a smart bomb. When I had ordered my hired-hand to move her hauler to my position in preparation for the inevitable, I had unknowingly thwarted Destro's plan. Imagine my shock when Concord awarded a Muninn kill to me! No more shocked than Bruce Destro sitting in a pod surrounded by dust and debris that was once his Muninn. 

Pegleg Punk; "Mr. Destro, I'm glad you're back to teach all of the noobs in Rens what time it is."
Bruce Destro; "stfu ill have my ship back, just watch"
Zolar V; "LMAO serves you right for using smartbom iin
highsec"
Zolar V; "LMAO hope you loose more ships!"
JIm Hammer;"lol"


The local communications' channel was alive with chatter due to Destro's use of a smart bomb in hi-sec and his claim that his ship's Aura failed to acknowledge orders to power down the smart bomb to avoid hitting my employee’s Mammoth. He was reportedly filing an official protest with Concord for punitive damages.




3 comments:

H'targ said...

Great post buddy,however theres no such thing as a 120mm Autocannon..did you mean 125's?

Keep up the good work :-)

Pegleg Punk said...

Thank You dear sir! You are most correct and I will edit my story to reflect this oversight. My wonderful tale of heathenry will be complete!
-PPunk

Cussbeard said...

What a stroke of unexpected fortune at the end. Nice one!

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